I just caught my breath!

I was thinking today about this long lost blog of mine, and how I wanted to write again but not for any other reason than that I would love to have an online journal of sorts that I can look back on and read and see what was going on in my life. Tyler is 10 months old and I look back and its all a blur, a good blur, but still it seems like the first year of his life FLEW by. Between sickness and a Hemophilia diagnosis and having Jake start Kindergarden and just learning to juggle three children under 5, 2011 has been the fastest year of my life by far. I feel like Im just catching my breath and starting to really soak it in and enjoy it. Of course, I have a lot of fear in being a mom to these three amazing children...this is a huge responsibility and what if I screw it up? That is where I have to trust that I CANT do it alone and just pray that my kids will see less of mom and more of Jesus in me.

Another reason I want to get back into writing down my thoughts is because I feel like God has been doing a work in my heart over the past few years (and I have to say that when I found out I was pregnant with Ty I didnt think this would be revisited) but the tug on my heart to adopt a child is still there! Crazy! us? 4 kids? I would have said NO WAY if someone told me that years ago. I am starting to think things and see things differently and its neat to watch Aaron do the same...we both recently read Radical (an amazing read) and it forever changed the way we GIVE, LIVE, and SEE the world around us. I can obssess about a couch for my living room or just be grateful for the couch Im sitting on and give more so people can have clean water or an education...things we have always had an abundance of and never thought twice about. I am guilty in every way of wanting a nice home for my family and nice things, which isnt wrong, but how is that making any difference and how can we as a family use those things for the glory of God? We are coming up on some big changes...our house is on the market, we dont know where we are going if it sells, we are open to whatever it is God is going to teach us, lead us, ect. to do and hopefully this will be a great way to go back and see how God worked in our lives to lead us to whatever is next...moving? adoption? parenting? It should be fun to see it all unfold..and the greatest part is that we are not in control.

Man makes plans in his heart, but the Lord determines His steps....

WEll....I have more to add to the previous post about what is going on in our lives...but it has to wait until Friday. I know my millions of blog followers out there are sitting on the edge of their seats! yeah right...

Until then...

A Litte Update Contd...

Something that came to mind in all this...our pastor in Atlanta used to always say that we should pray that God do something so big and so far beyond what we can imagine that it would be doomed to failure unless He has His hand in it. So this is our prayer..that if this is not coming from Him than it will not happen. Also, this verse was shared through another adoption story I recently saw.

Once our eyes are opened, we cant pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act.
Proverbs 24:12

A little update...

So let me defend myself here...this title did NOT come from Paris Hiltons tv show (thank you very much John Teilhet)..it just popped into my head when I began to think about my life here in this house in the country. Not just my families location or our lifestyle but my life in general is pretty simple. From there I began to think about how God has blessed us with so much and how maybe he is asking us (Aaron and I) to step out from our so called picture perfect life and do something that stretches us, something that makes us a little uncomfortable even. We have so much more than we need and so much love it give...so from there God started planting a crazy deep yearning to get connected with orphans in Africa. Why Africa? Where did all this come from? Why cant I get this out of my mind? Why our family? What are my motives here? Do I have enough love to give to a child that is not my own? These are all the questions that keep me up at night and keep me on my knees in prayer that God will search my heart and know my anxious thoughts and that if this is something he leads our family to do than we will know without a doubt that is coming from Him. Without the love that He gives us, we cannot love others. So why Lesotho South Africa? Why not adopt a child right here in East TN? I dont know for sure, but we keep getting pulled in that direction. Something makes my heart beat fast and keeps my drawn to those children, most of which are found in plastic bags on the streets or are even sometimes buried with their moms who die in childbirth because they are blamed for her death. We have been in touch with my second cousin who lives and works for Mercy of Hope in Lesotho with these orphan children. She put it best when she said, "You wouldnt be just adoptiong a child, you would be saving a life." So from here we just pray...for our hearts, for what God wants...is it adoption? Is it just that we get involved there in some way? So I dont really think anyone reads this blog, but if you do, we ask that you pray with us and for us that we will listen and obey...who knows? Maybe we will bring one of those sweet babies home one day and give them a simple life...a life that they would never have otherwise.

Where do Babies come from?

Today I was walking with Jake and Bailey and Jake asked me when I was going to have a baby in my belly. I told him I wasnt sure. He then asked me,"Mom, how do you put a baby in your belly? How do you make it?" I said,"Well God makes it Jake and youll learn more about that when you get older." He said, "But mom, where does God get all the parts for it?" Oh, to be young and naive. Kids say the darndest things.

Well...just when you think spring is here and your kids are playing in the creek all day with no shoes on...its snows!! Dang! The snowflakes here are the size of golf balls and Aaron keeps the house set on 63!! I have to take a hot bath to get warm, Im over this weather!!! Had to get that off my plate, now Im dont complaining. Im determined to not complain on this blog, I hate when people whine on facebook and Im sure Im guilty of a time or two but at least I admit it.
On another note, Ive been really challenged lately by different friends that put their hearts out there and just to listen to the way every moment and circumstance that comes upon them is a way for God to teach them new things. I guess what Im seeing is complete trust in God. Sure, I say I trust God and that He is in control and wants what is best for me and my family, but do I really trust Him or is it just easy to say? Such a great sermon from Tom on Sunday, made me thankful beyond belief for Gods grace but made me sad for so many people out there that think they have to earn their way to Heaven. If that was the case there is no way Id be making it. If people could just hear and believe that all our debts were paid and there is nothing we can do to earn our salvation and that He loves us and gives us this grace freely through His Son...there are no religous rules of do's and don'ts, there is no performance scale, there is just love poured out. Not easy to get, but once its clicks the weight of the world is off of your shoulders. I hate to think of all the people who are trying to perform or earn this love. Thank you God for giving me a family that paved the way to your love and thank you that I can so freely share it with my kids. Without it, I am nothing. So in all this, Im learning to really trust Him and stop trying to be in control of different things in my life. We will see how that goes, I need a daily reminder. How can I teach my kids something I dont always fully live out myself? I think our kids challenge us in more ways than one, they challenge us to be who we want to teach them to be...and that is SCARY!! I guess THEY are my daily reminder. Man, they are pretty awesome...time for a third maybe??

Why start a blog?

Well, I was thinking this weekend about things I used to love to do...long before kids, even before marriage. I guess this is normal when you actually get time to yourself to sit and think when you have two young children and a busy life...you think about what you used to do before kids. One of those things I did today. I got to take a long run, one of my favorite things to do in the world, and listen to my ipod which brought back great music which led me to this thought...I used to listen to all kinds of music, now I listen to the Sound of Music soundtrack or those awful Between the Lions Cds that Chickfila gives you. Then I started thinking..what else have I left behind that I used to love to do?? Writing. Im not great at it...the only person who ever told me I was was my 7th grade teacher in Creative Writing and she doesnt count. But I love to write and for some reason I can communicate what Im trying to say so much better on paper than I can when talking to someone. So hear goes my blog...Im guessing it will be pretty diverse in topic, from crazy kid stories to life as a Jensen, to recipes, to what I think God might be teaching me, to who knows what else. So hears to writing again. I dont care if I have 0 followers, I feel better already.